


Little Shop Of Kinky Wonders

by BrotatoChip (FluffyAzzy)



Series: Sanders Sides Sex Shop AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Retail, Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Aromantic, Aromantic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Aromantic Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Asexual Character, BDSM, Dildos, Everyone Is Gay, Impact Play, Kinky, Lube, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Deceit | Janus Sanders, Overstimulation, Platonic BDSM, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Sex Toys, Shibari, Trans Character, Trans Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26471782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyAzzy/pseuds/BrotatoChip
Summary: A Sanders Sides sex shop AU. That's it, that's the plot.Please know that there will be no smut in this story but I will be posting extra scenes like smut as seperate works in this series.This is a incorrect quotes style fic so every chapter is extremely short but there will a lot of them. I also will be constantly changing the order when I upload new chunks as I don't write them in chronological order. So make sure you look through all of them for updates!
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Sex Shop AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943848
Comments: 29
Kudos: 98





	1. Roman's Pre-interview

Roman, walks into the shop for the first time.

Roman: "Hi! I'm here for my interview?"

Janus: "oh, you're early. Logan is just finishing up a few things in the back, he should be back out soon."

Roman: "okay, no worries."

Janus: "wait, is that a pronoun badge?"

Roman, trying not to visibly be distressed and look intimidating instead: "yeah? Is that going to be a problem?"

Janus: "no no, sorry! I was just going to ask where you got it from? It looks really well made."

Roman: "oh!"

Janus: "maybe we could even convince Logan to make them part of the uniform, who knows."


	2. Remus, The Math Problems Man

Remus: *trying to buy 15 different dildos*

Janus, the cashier: "...I don't think I've ever been this curious in my entire life."

Remus' answer: "oh they're just party favours!"


	3. Janus Is The Shop Gossip

Roman: *getting ready to start his shift soon*

Janus: *getting ready to end his shift soon with no one in the store*

Janus: "…..Look I know we normally do this in silence but I really need to talk about this."

Roman: "Huh???"

Janus: "So earlier today this guy came in and bought like 15 different dildos??? And just told me they were party favours??? I don't know what to do with this information on my own."

Roman: "Oh my goodness please tell me everything, I need the tea-"

ONE WEEK LATER

Remus: *gives out goodie bags at his spur of the moment party*

Remus: "Feel free to ~enjoy~ your little, or not so little, parting gifts!"

Roman: *realises there exactly 15 people at this party*

Roman: "you've gotta be fucking kidding-" 


	4. Kinkier That You'd Expect

Patton, innocent looking, walks into shop.

Janus, cashier again: "hi! You seem a little lost, is there anything I can help you with?"

Patton, smiles big and all sunshine and rainbows: "oh! Yes actually! I think at least."

Janus: "great! Now we're you after something specific? A vibrator, lube?"

Patton, still bright innocent energy: "actually I was wondering if you guys might have some chastity devices? Oooh and maybe riding crops! I need a new one!"

Janus: ...........

Janus, internally: of course it's always the innocent looking ones


	5. Idiot Husbands

Logan, as the owner, closing up shop with Janus: "Oh, so I see someone bought one of our heart cut out paddles?"

Janus: "yeah, the guy was really knowledgeable about basically everything in the store. I feel like he's gonna be a new regular."

\- LATER, AT HOME -

  
Logan: "honey, I'm home!"

Patton: "Lolo, look what I found today! I finally went to go check out that cute little independent sex shop down the street!"

Patton, holding out the paddle: "look it even has cute little hearts to leave bruises with!!!"

Logan, internally: oh my god he's an idiot.

Logan, externally: "wow, that looks like it'll be interesting to try."

Patton: "yeah!!! I think you'd look lovely with my heart's to mark you."

Logan, internally: but dammit he's my idiot.


	6. Surprise Work Visit

Roman, putting a few items on display, just doing his job.

Remus: *comes into store*

Roman: "hi! How can i-"

Remus: "So THIS is your new job!"

Roman: "dear Zeus-"


	7. Patton's Well Of Kinky Knowledge

Janus, shelving a few new items: "huh, I'm gonna have to research most of this new stock."

Patton, nearby: "Oh! I know what that is! Wow, your managers must really like catering to kink."

Janus: "...hey Patton what do you do with this-"


	8. Just Give Virgil His Lube

Virgil, walking into the store that's closest to his house since his prefered is closed.

Janus: "hi, how can-"

Janus, internally: wait I know him from the local dungeon. Wait shit the dungeon has a silence policy.

Janus: "-I, uh, help you?"

Janus, internally: fuck yeah, nailed it.

Virgil, internally: fuck he knows me.

Virgil: "look, I just need to know if you guys stock astroglide?"

Janus: "Absolutely. Who do you take us for, animals?"

Virgil, not laughing:

Janus: "....... anyway, will that be all?"

Virgil: "yep that's it."

Janus, internally: fuck customer service why do I do this to myself.


	9. Patton Meets Remus

Janus as cashier, at the counter. Patton, just browsing a few of the new restraints sets. Remus, comes into the store and goes to look at a few of the more metal based items.

Remus: "ooooh, hey Jan? I have a few questions about these little things! They look cool."

Janus: "Ah, those. Well-"

Patton, interrupting: "oh those are amazing! It's called a Wartenberg pinwheel! It's commonly used for sensation play. I used one on a few past partners and they basically sung it's praises!"

Remus, shook: "....marry me?"

Patton, giggling: "maybe I'll just start with giving you my number."


	10. Janus Not Janice

Roman walks into the store, holding a small brown paper bag.

Janus: "oh, I didn't realise you had a shift? I thought I was rostered for the full day today."

Roman: "you are, I'm just here toooooo....give you.... something. Here."

Roman holds out the bag and Janus takes it.

Roman, as Janus takes the badge out: "so I remembered that you said you liked the pronoun badge I wore to my interview and- uh- ordered you one! You said you go by they/them pronouns so we can be badge buddies!"

Janus, trying not to laugh: "that's very sweet of you Roman but, um......my name isn't spelt like this. It's J-A-N-U-S, not J-A-N-I-C-E."

Roman, shook: "my god I'm a Idiot-"

Janus, bursting out with laughter: "no! No, I love it. Thanks Roman, that was really thoughtful."

Roman, flustered: "I mean, uh, you're welcome? I feel like a flubbed it up though so..."

Janus: "well, you see Roman, you have now given me a stripper name."

Roman starts chocking on his own spit from shocked laughter.

Roman, finally breathing: "I WHAT NOW?!?!?!"


	11. Learning about Polyamory (And How Hot Logan Is)

Remus walked up to the table that Patton was sitting at, at the little café for their first date.

Remus: "Hey, Pattycake! Fancy seeing you here hot stuff!"

Patton, laughing: "Remus we organised this! Of course I'd be here to see you!"

Remus, a little flustered: "Pfft well, never stopped others from standing me up. I mean, have you met me?"

Patton: "Hey, I will physically fight you mister! You're as enjoyable as a chocolate chip cookie straight from the oven."

Remus: "and hopefully just as delicious~"

\- PATTON GETTING DRINKS BREAK -

Patton, passing over cup: "here's your drink!"

Remus: "Thank-"

Remus notices Patton's wedding ring.

Patton: "Remus, are you okay?"

Remus: "Pattycake please tell me I haven't just entered a really bad cliqué of being the other man?"

Patton: "huh????"

Remus, gestures to his hand.

Patton: "Oh! Sorry, I thought I'd communicated that before hand. I'm so sorry, that's my bad. I'm married but I'm polyamorous! So is my husband."

Remus: "......O h."

Patton: "is- is that going to be a problem? I understand if you're not comfy with it, it's not for everyone. But at no point will you be expected to date him as well if this does end up going well, which I was hoping it was?? Sorry I'm rambling."

Remus, chuckling a little: "Patty, babe, that is the opposite of a problem! I just didn't realise that kind of thing was an option. Now tell me EVERYTHING, is your husband hot??"

Patton, beaming: "oh absolutely."

Remus, excited: "how hot we talking here, from 1 - Thor?"

Patton: "a solid Chris Evens as Captain America."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave questions for the characters in the comments, I might turn the answers into a chapter or just. 
> 
> Also damn, my updates a quickly getting longer.


	12. Who Needs Dildos When You Can Have Vibrators

Patton: "Hey Janus, I think this box is misprinted or something? It doesn't have any vibration functions listed."

Janus: "Pat, that's a dildo not a vibrator. They don't have vibration functions."

Patton: "Wait, a dildo? Why not???"

Janus: "Because vibrations can be too much for some people."

Patton: "...not in a good way?"

Janus:

Janus: "So I see you're into overstimulation-"

Bonus: 

Janus, mumbling under his breath: "Remus is a lucky bastard-"


	13. Remus' First And Second Meeting of Logan

Remus walks into the store.

Logan, filling in for Janus because he's sick: "Hi, can I help you with anything today?"

Remus: "wow aren't you just as hot as a fucking arsen job gone incredibly right!"

Logan, barely reacting: "excuse me?" 

Remus: "sorry, kinda have barely a brain to mouth filter. If it's any consolation, my boyfriend probably would have put it more like "as sweet as sugar cookies" so do with that as you will."

Logan, internally: wait......this is Remus.....the new partner Patton has been absolutely gushing about.

Logan: "...no apologises needed. Was there something I could help you find today?"

Remus: "Hm maybe you actually can help! You see, my boyfriend has a husband. Did you know that's like, an option??? You can have multiple partners??? Anyway, it's amazing, 10/10 would recommend."

Logan, internally: well he sure does have a mouth on him. Maybe I can persuade him to buy one of our gags. Hmmm but Patton's not particularly fond of them....

Remus: "so long story short, I'm meeting this mysterious, and apparently very smokin' hot husband in a few days and I want to bring him a gift."

Logan, internally: wait, back up.....fuck I forgot about that.

Logan, only slightly wide eyed: "so you want to get him something from a sex shop for your first meeting?"

Remus: "yeah! I mean, it doesn't have to be for the two of us to use, might be just for those two without me. So I'm thinking something more pain related since that's what the bae recommend~"

Logan, internally: great, good god what have I gotten myself into.

Remus, holding up two options: "paddle or flogger do you reckon?"

Logan, knowing that we already owns many paddles but only a few floggers: "I'd say the dark blue flogger would work nicely."

\- TWO DAYS TIME -

Remus was sat at a table, same café as his and Patton's first date.

Patton, walking in on his own: "hey Re! Logan will just be here in a second. He just had to go back to the car to get something he forgot."

Remus: "no worries! Might I say you're looking as cute as ever Pattycakes."

Patton, blushing: "oh stop it you! You'll make me melt like chocolate."

Logan, walks in and to the table: "sorry I was delayed, I almost forgot my wallet in the car."

Remus, internally: RECORD SCRATCH??????

Logan, smirking at Remus' dropped jaw expression: "it's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Remus. I've heard a lot about you from my dear husband."

Patton giggles off to the side.

Remus, internally: holy fuck I said he's as hot as a burning building.

Remus, visibly gulping: "sorry in advance. I'm a raging dumpster fire right now since you're way too hot."

Logan, laughing: "likewise."

Remus, internally: oh my god

Patton: "hey sweetie! I'll go get the drink while you two get to know each other a bit. Re, you want the same as last time?"

Remus: "yeah pat, thank you."

Patton leaves to get drinks.

Remus: "holy fuck, does Patton know you work at the sex shop we met in???"

Logan, laughing again.

Remus, internally: that is the best fucking laugh, holy shit I'm gonna bleed out and combust.

Logan: "no, he doesn't know I own the store. I'm waiting for him to figure it out."

Remus: "You OWN it???"

Logan, smirking: "yes. Now, I believe you had a present for me? I can already tell you I'll like it."

Remus: "oh fuck I'm such an idiot- stop smirking at me you smug asshole!"

Both of them are laughing as Remus hands over the box he wrapped the flogger in.


	14. Janus Can't Help But Tease

Janus walks into the store while Roman is working.

Roman: "oh! Why hello Janus! I see you're early for your shift for once. Just couldn't handle being away from me for too long~"

Janus, laughing at Roman's dramatics: "actually, I came in early so I could buy stuff beforehand."

Roman, shrugging: "I guess it is more convenient to get them with an employee discount rather than at a grocery store."

Janus: "...Roman, what is it you think I'm buying?"

Roman, confused: "uh, condoms? Or maybe lube, I guess. Is-is that not it?"

Janus internally: this should be fun...or crash and burn.

Janus, smirking: "I'm afraid not my dear prince.'

Roman internally: oh shit fuck that hit different.

Janus: "I'm buying some of the silk shibari rope. I have a lot already but you can never have enough rope."

Roman, blushing: "o-oh? I wouldn't really know, haven't really done anything like that before."

Janus: "well I especially like the yellow rope, it's the colour people associate with me so then I can wrap them up in it as a way of claiming."

Roman, internally: holy shit holy shit holy shit- I have never been glad that I don't have a penis until this very moment.

Roman, looking like a tomato: "that seems... interesting."

Janus: "you're saying you would be interested, Roman?~"

Roman: *drops the thankfully not fragile box he was carrying to a shelf*

Roman: "uh- yes- I MEAN UH NOPE. NO ONES INTERESTED OVER HERE."

Janus, internally: fun it is.


	15. There was an attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was eating a Golden Gaytime when I thought this one up.

*Janus and Roman preparing to switch shifts*

Janus: "Hey, Roman?"

Roman: "Yeah? What's up?"

Janus, smirking: "Do you wanna have a golden gay time?"

Roman: "Oooooh! Wait, how did you get them here???"

Janus, not realising Roman would know about the Australian ice creams that the pick up line is based off: "Wait, what?"

Roman: "You're not about to offer me one of those good humour ice creams are you? They're not the same, I can TELL YOU THAT!"

Janus, basically pouting: "....no Roman, I'm not. I don't even have the ice cream so forget I said anything."

Roman: "Why would you ask me that then??? JANUS DON'T PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT."


	16. Local Himbo Eventually Gets a Clue

Janus, trying this again: "They say Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth? Well they obviously-"

Roman: "Janus, if you're about to disrespect my dearest Disneyland, I'm gonna have to start singing the entire High School Musical soundtrack. Don't even test me."

Janus, shook: "....Ok I won't, geez."

Janus, internally: Holy fuck I was gonna say "well obviously they haven't stood next to you" but I guess I'll go fuck myself. God, why did I have to like this one and why was his threat vaguely hot???

* * *

Roman: "Ugh, today has dragged on."

Janus: "Yeah, are you getting a bit tired?"

Roman: "Nah I'm fine."

Janus, internally: Perfect.

Janus, smirking: "Are you sure you’re not tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day."

Roman, shook: "I- what? Oh, haha Janus. Very funny, keep up the jokes."

Janus, internally: ….What the fuck just happened?

* * *

Janus, with a bag of Hershey's kisses: "Hey Roman, do you want a kiss?"

Roman, blushing: "What? Is this another joke- oh you actually have the chocolate this time. Yeah I'll take one, thanks."

Janus: "....Here, take five."

Janus, internally: FUCK WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT ONE???

* * *

Roman, in the middle of sharing a family story: "I mean, it makes sense since my dad was a boxer-"

Janus, with a stroke of inspiration, cuts Roman off: "It really does, since you're a damn knockout."

Roman, deadpanned: "Yeah yeah, laugh it up buddy. I get it, you make jokes."

Janus, confused: "Wait what?"

Roman: "I mean, I guess I was fine with it at first but now it's getting a bit much? You don't gotta rub in that I'm not the best looking guy-"

Janus: "Woah WOAH! What do you mean by THAT??? Roman, you look amazing!"

Roman, a little pissed: "Janus, I'm being serious. It's not a funny joke anymore."

Janus: "You think I'm JOKING??? Roman you are the most attractive man I have seen in a long ass time."

Roman, blushing now: "O-oh. Well I guess it's good we're talking about men otherwise I'd have to ask if you've looked in a mirror lately."

Janus, laughing and blushing a bit now: "No wonder you brushed me off! I'll have to make up for lost time-"

Roman: "Wait, no!"

Janus: "Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Roman: "Oh my god."

Janus: "Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you."

Roman, tomato level by now: "Please have mercy."

Janus, full on grinning: "Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?"

Roman: "I'm too much of a disaster for this."

Janus: "I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together."

Roman: "That one sounds a little more serious."

Janus: "It does, doesn't it? Good thing I'm being serious."

Roman, shook and bright red:

Janus, internally: ….Fuck it

Janus: "Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?"

Roman, a lil breathless: "You're so fucking wrong it's not even funny."

Janus: "Then kiss me."

*Roman and Janus kiss, FUCKING FINALLY*


End file.
